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Mitch Hedberg Quotes
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My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
Mitch Hedberg
Funny, Because, Them
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later.
Mitch Hedberg
Dreams, Just, Up
An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.
Mitch Hedberg
You, Just, Never
A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.
Mitch Hedberg
Funny, Like
I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying glass. You'll be mad, but it will be too late.
Mitch Hedberg
You, Will, Fun
I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, 'You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit.' As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
Mitch Hedberg
Business, You, Me
I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality.
Mitch Hedberg
Work, Good, Back
My belt holds my pants up, but the belt loops hold my belt up. I don't really know what's happening down there. Who is the real hero?
Mitch Hedberg
Know, Up, Really
Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.
Mitch Hedberg
Great, You, Want
I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it.
Mitch Hedberg
You, Smart, Me
I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.
Mitch Hedberg
Dating, Me, Know
Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down.
Mitch Hedberg
Day, You, Like
Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus, or just a really cool Opotamus?
Mitch Hedberg
Cool, Just, Really
I would imagine that if you could understand Morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.
Mitch Hedberg
You, Crazy, Could
I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.
Mitch Hedberg
Birthday, Got, Wanted
I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.
Mitch Hedberg
Morning, Up, Night
I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.
Mitch Hedberg
Funny, Because, Some
A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.
Mitch Hedberg
Ultimate, Severed, Stocking
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.
Mitch Hedberg
Good, Never, Get
I used to do drugs. I still do drugs. But I used to, too.
Mitch Hedberg
Too, Still, Used
I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down.
Mitch Hedberg
Funny, Know, Down
I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.
Mitch Hedberg
Because, Long, Too
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
Mitch Hedberg
Car, You, Man
I like Kit-Kat, unless I'm with four or more people.
Mitch Hedberg
Like, More, Unless
Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!
Mitch Hedberg
Every, Children, Book

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Biography
Nationality: American
Type: Comedian
Born: February 24, 1968
Died: March 30, 2005
Links
Find on Amazon: Mitch Hedberg

Cite this Page: Citation
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Good Funny Jokes SMS Funny Jokes In Hindi In English Message In Urdu 2013 In Tamil Hindi Latest For Adults in Telugu In Hindi 140 Words Images

Good Funny Jokes SMS Funny Jokes In Hindi In English Message In Urdu 2013 In Tamil Hindi Latest For Adults in Telugu In Hindi 140 Words Images

Good Funny Jokes SMS Funny Jokes In Hindi In English Message In Urdu 2013 In Tamil Hindi Latest For Adults in Telugu In Hindi 140 Words Images

Good Funny Jokes SMS Funny Jokes In Hindi In English Message In Urdu 2013 In Tamil Hindi Latest For Adults in Telugu In Hindi 140 Words Images

Good Funny Jokes SMS Funny Jokes In Hindi In English Message In Urdu 2013 In Tamil Hindi Latest For Adults in Telugu In Hindi 140 Words Images

Good Funny Jokes SMS Funny Jokes In Hindi In English Message In Urdu 2013 In Tamil Hindi Latest For Adults in Telugu In Hindi 140 Words Images

Good Funny Jokes SMS Funny Jokes In Hindi In English Message In Urdu 2013 In Tamil Hindi Latest For Adults in Telugu In Hindi 140 Words Images

Good Funny Jokes SMS Funny Jokes In Hindi In English Message In Urdu 2013 In Tamil Hindi Latest For Adults in Telugu In Hindi 140 Words Images

Good Funny Jokes SMS Funny Jokes In Hindi In English Message In Urdu 2013 In Tamil Hindi Latest For Adults in Telugu In Hindi 140 Words Images

Good Funny Jokes SMS Funny Jokes In Hindi In English Message In Urdu 2013 In Tamil Hindi Latest For Adults in Telugu In Hindi 140 Words Images

Good Funny Jokes SMS Funny Jokes In Hindi In English Message In Urdu 2013 In Tamil Hindi Latest For Adults in Telugu In Hindi 140 Words Images

Good Funny Jokes SMS Funny Jokes In Hindi In English Message In Urdu 2013 In Tamil Hindi Latest For Adults in Telugu In Hindi 140 Words Images

Good Funny Jokes SMS Funny Jokes In Hindi In English Message In Urdu 2013 In Tamil Hindi Latest For Adults in Telugu In Hindi 140 Words Images

Good Funny Jokes SMS Funny Jokes In Hindi In English Message In Urdu 2013 In Tamil Hindi Latest For Adults in Telugu In Hindi 140 Words Images

Good Funny Jokes SMS Funny Jokes In Hindi In English Message In Urdu 2013 In Tamil Hindi Latest For Adults in Telugu In Hindi 140 Words Images

Good Funny Jokes SMS Funny Jokes In Hindi In English Message In Urdu 2013 In Tamil Hindi Latest For Adults in Telugu In Hindi 140 Words Images

Good Funny Jokes SMS Funny Jokes In Hindi In English Message In Urdu 2013 In Tamil Hindi Latest For Adults in Telugu In Hindi 140 Words Images