Tuesday 24 December 2013

Funny Short Jokes Clean SMS Funny Jokes In Hindi In English Message In Urdu 2013 In Tamil Hindi Latest For Adults in Telugu In Hindi 140 Words Images

Funny Short Jokes Clean Biography

Source:- Google.com.pk
Age is important only if you're cheese or wine.


Of all my husband's relatives, I like me best.
Once over the hill, you pick up speed.
I used to get lost in the shuffle; now I just shuffle along with the lost.
The twinkle in your eye is only the reflection of the sun on your bifocals. 
You’re so old you confuse having a clear conscience with having a bad memory.
You’re getting old when you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
Fred: I was going to buy you a handkerchief for your birthday. 
Did you hear about the time Eddy's sister tried to make a birthday cake? The candles melted in the oven.
What is the left side of a birthday cake?
"Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake."
The older I get, the better I was.
Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
I'm on a 30-day diet. So far I've lost 15 days.
Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
Travelling to see historical sites isn't as much fun when many of the sites are younger than you are.
You start video taping daytime game shows.A joke about a male bus passenger insulting a woman's ugly baby has been hailed in a survey as the funniest gag ever.
Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1322475/Researchers-official-50-funniest-jokes-time.html#ixzz2ofThapeA 
Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1322475/Researchers-official-50-funniest-jokes-time.html#ixzz2ofThapeA 







Harry: That was a kind thought. But why didn't you? 
Fred: I couldn't find one big enough for your nose.


The side that's not eaten.

Next time, take off the candles."






Researchers scoured the web and examined more than 1,000 jokes before whittling them down to a final 50 on which 36,000 people voted.
In second place was a legendary one-liner about a zoo with just one dog being a 'shitzu'.
Other jokes to make the top 20 include a string of brilliant one-liners - and digs at wives, husbands, blondes and foreigners.
A quarter-century after his death comedy hero Tommy Cooper makes a strong showing in the list, which also includes gags by Peter Kay, Lee Evans and Canadian comic Stuart Francis.
3 JOKES WALK INTO A BOX
 We have listed the entire Top 50 one-liners below, but for quickfire comedians in a hurry here are the top three:
3. 'Dyslexic man walks into a bra...
2. 'I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu.'
1. A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: 'Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: 'The driver just insulted me!' The man says: 'You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.'
It also features risqué jokes about religion, anorexia - and animal cruelty.
The study was carried out after a panel of eight comic critics voted the holiday joke by Tim Vine (brother of TV presenter Jeremy Vine) the best of this year's Edinburgh Fringe Festival.
His winning one-liner was: 'I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again.'  The joke was later slammed as 'unfunny' on web forums.
A spokesman for www.OnePoll.com, the organisation behind the research, said: 'The majority of these jokes are clean and genuinely funny - but a lot are pretty subjective and what one person finds hilarious, someone else may not.'
'It's nice to see jokes from the greats like Tommy Cooper and Les Dawson are still up there and the ugly baby tale is a worthy winner.'
'Many of the jokes in the list are fairly timeless and will still be making people chuckle in thirty years or more.''
'Tim Vine's Edinburgh Fringe Festival's joke is neither belly-laughing funny nor is it particularly shocking or controversial so it's surprising it was voted the best joke of the festival.
'Being able to tell a joke is a fine art and telling a classic joke correctly in a pub full of people can be tricky.'  
Comedian Tim Vine smashed the world record for most jokes told in an hour with 499, beating the previous record of 362.He held the record until May 2005 when Australian comedian, Anthony Lehmann squeezed in 549 gags.
Comedian Tim Vine smashed the world record for most jokes told in an hour with 499, beating the previous record of 362. He held the record until May 2005 when Australian comedian, Anthony Lehmann squeezed in 549 gags
The Top 50:
50. I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'. So I went - and I got it. 
49. A seal walks into a club... 
48. Went to the corner shop - bought 4 corners. 
47. So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants, it was Wedgie Kray. 
46. I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.       
45. I tried water polo but my horse drowned.      
44. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: 'I'm looking for the man who shot my paw.'      
43. You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he's a catholic converter.
42. I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags, he's bisatchel.       
41. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.
40. 'I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?" I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin". '     
39. 'My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know! If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!" '   
38. A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins, What a turtle disaster 
37.' I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for! You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"'       
Tommy Cooper's surreal non-sequiturs still raise a laugh today
Tommy Cooper's surreal non-sequiturs still raise a laugh today
36. I backed a horse last week at ten to one. It came in at quarter past four.     
35. 'I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it", he said, "Those are pickled onions". '      
34. There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did. 
33. I was having dinner with Garry Kasparov and there was a check tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
32. 'Four fonts walk into a bar the barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"  '
31. 'So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds". I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck". '     
30. I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite......... one jar.       
29. 'I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. I said, "Are you two an item?" '    
28. 'A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer." '    
27. Went to the paper shop - it had blown away. 
26. I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.
25. 'The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".'
24. 'A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here" '
23. 'A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"  '
22. Slept like a log last night........ Woke up in the fireplace. 
21. 'A jump-lead walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything" ' 
20. I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.     
19. 'I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller", he said "Not you again".'   
      
18. My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that." 
17. 'When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life, but I don't want one of them for my husband". '     
16. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.       
15. 'There's two fish in a tank, and one says to the other "How do you drive this thing?" '
14. 'A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal." '         
13. 'I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah; I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one". '
12. My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked. 
11. 'I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?' So he gave me a kite. '

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Funny Short Jokes Clean SMS Funny Jokes In Hindi In English Message In Urdu 2013 In Tamil Hindi Latest For Adults in Telugu In Hindi 140 Words Images

Funny Short Jokes Clean SMS Funny Jokes In Hindi In English Message In Urdu 2013 In Tamil Hindi Latest For Adults in Telugu In Hindi 140 Words Images

Funny Short Jokes Clean SMS Funny Jokes In Hindi In English Message In Urdu 2013 In Tamil Hindi Latest For Adults in Telugu In Hindi 140 Words Images

Funny Short Jokes Clean SMS Funny Jokes In Hindi In English Message In Urdu 2013 In Tamil Hindi Latest For Adults in Telugu In Hindi 140 Words Images

Funny Short Jokes Clean SMS Funny Jokes In Hindi In English Message In Urdu 2013 In Tamil Hindi Latest For Adults in Telugu In Hindi 140 Words Images

Funny Short Jokes Clean SMS Funny Jokes In Hindi In English Message In Urdu 2013 In Tamil Hindi Latest For Adults in Telugu In Hindi 140 Words Images

Funny Short Jokes Clean SMS Funny Jokes In Hindi In English Message In Urdu 2013 In Tamil Hindi Latest For Adults in Telugu In Hindi 140 Words Images

Funny Short Jokes Clean SMS Funny Jokes In Hindi In English Message In Urdu 2013 In Tamil Hindi Latest For Adults in Telugu In Hindi 140 Words Images

Funny Short Jokes Clean SMS Funny Jokes In Hindi In English Message In Urdu 2013 In Tamil Hindi Latest For Adults in Telugu In Hindi 140 Words Images

Funny Short Jokes Clean SMS Funny Jokes In Hindi In English Message In Urdu 2013 In Tamil Hindi Latest For Adults in Telugu In Hindi 140 Words Images

Funny Short Jokes Clean SMS Funny Jokes In Hindi In English Message In Urdu 2013 In Tamil Hindi Latest For Adults in Telugu In Hindi 140 Words Images

Funny Short Jokes Clean SMS Funny Jokes In Hindi In English Message In Urdu 2013 In Tamil Hindi Latest For Adults in Telugu In Hindi 140 Words Images

Funny Short Jokes Clean SMS Funny Jokes In Hindi In English Message In Urdu 2013 In Tamil Hindi Latest For Adults in Telugu In Hindi 140 Words Images

Funny Short Jokes Clean SMS Funny Jokes In Hindi In English Message In Urdu 2013 In Tamil Hindi Latest For Adults in Telugu In Hindi 140 Words Images

Funny Short Jokes Clean SMS Funny Jokes In Hindi In English Message In Urdu 2013 In Tamil Hindi Latest For Adults in Telugu In Hindi 140 Words Images

Funny Short Jokes Clean SMS Funny Jokes In Hindi In English Message In Urdu 2013 In Tamil Hindi Latest For Adults in Telugu In Hindi 140 Words Images

Funny Short Jokes Clean SMS Funny Jokes In Hindi In English Message In Urdu 2013 In Tamil Hindi Latest For Adults in Telugu In Hindi 140 Words Images

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