Tuesday 24 December 2013

Short jokes One Liners SMS Funny Jokes In Hindi In English Message In Urdu 2013 In Tamil Hindi Latest For Adults in Telugu In Hindi 140 Words Images

Short jokes One Liners Biography

Source:- Google.com.pk
 What's the easiest way to remember your wife's birthday? A: Forget it once! Q: What do George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Christopher Columbus all have in common? A: They were all born on holidays. Q: What goes up and never comes down? A: Your age! Q: What did one candle say to the other? A: "Don't birthdays burn you up?" Q: "Were any famous men born on your birthday?" A: "No, only little babies." Q: Why did the boy feel warm on his birthday? A: Because people kept toasting him! Q: What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? A: Angel food cake, of course! Q: What’s the best way to get a man to remember your anniversary? A: Get married on his birthday. Q: What has wings, a long tail, and wears a bow? A: A birthday pheasant! Q: How does Moby Dick celebrate his birthday? A: He has a whale of a party! Q: What did one candle say to the other? A: "Don't birthdays burn you up?" Q: What was the average age of a cave man? A: Stone Age! Q: Why couldn't prehistoric man send birthday cards? A: The stamps kept falling off the rocks! Q: Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? A: Because it was marble cake! Q: What does a clam do on his birthday? A: He shellabrates! Q: What party game do rabbits like to play? A: Musical Hares! Q: What does a cat like to eat on his birthday? A: Mice cream and cake! Q: Where do you find a birthday present for a cat? A: In a cat-alogue! Q: What is a meaning of a true friend? A: One who remembers your birthday but not your age! Q: What did the bald man say when he got a comb for his birthday? A: Thanks. I'll never part with it! Q: Why are birthday's good for you? A: Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest! Q: What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake? A: "What's eating you?" Q: When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? A: When it's been sliced. He won the funniest joke of the year at the Edinburgh Fringe in 2010. His winning joke was ‘I’ve just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I’ll tell you what, never again.’
Anyway, to the point of this post, here’s a selection of Tim Vine’s famous one-liner gags:


The advantage of easy origami is twofold…
I was in the Army once and the sergeant said to me ‘What does surrender mean?’ I said ‘I give up!’
I had a dream last night that I was cutting carrots with the Grim Reaper… dicing with death!
So I rang up British Telecom and said ‘I want to report a nuisance caller’ He said ‘Not you again’
I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah and I thought ‘He’s trying to pull a fast one’
I was taking the motorway out of London. A policeman pulled me over and said ‘Put it back’
I’ve got a friend who has got a butler whose left arm is missing; serves him right
Albinos; you can’t say fairer than that
So I said to this train driver ‘I want to go to Paris’ He said ‘Eurostar?’ I said ‘I’ve been on telly, but I’m no Dean Martin’
Beware of Alphabet Grenades; if you throw them, it could spell disaster
I saw this advert that said ‘Television for sale, £1, volume stuck on full’ I thought ‘I can’t turn that down’
A friend of mine always wanted to be run over by a steam train. When it happened, he was chuffed to bits!
Black beauty; he’s a dark horse
I wanted to be a milkman; but I didn’t have the bottle
I rang up my local swimming baths. I said ‘Is that the local swimming baths?’ He said ‘It depends where you’re calling from’
I said to the gym instructor ‘Can you teach me to do the splits?’ He said ‘How flexible are you?’ I said ‘I can’t make Tuesdays’
My mate said to me ‘Can you tell me what you call someone who comes from Corsica?’ I said ‘Cors-i-can!’
I’m against hunting. In fact, I’m a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox
I’ve got a friend who’s fallen in love with two school bags; he’s bisatchel
I went to the local supermarket. I said ‘I want to make a complaint; this vinegar’s got lumps in it’ He said ‘Those are pickled onions’
I’ll tell you what I love doing more than anything; trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself
I was at sea the other day and loads of meat floated past; it was a bit choppy
I used go out with an anaesthetist; she was a local girl
Did you know that if a stick insect laid its eggs in a jar of Bovril, it would give birth to a litter of Twiglets?
So I got home and the phone was ringing. I picked it up and said ‘Who’s speaking please?’ And a voice said ‘You are’
During the war, my grandfather could not stop scribbling; he got hit by a Doodlebug
I’ve got a front door made from sponge; don’t knock it
I’ve played football on a plane, you know… there I was, running up the wing!
I threw some snow at my girlfriend; she didn’t catch my drift
Did you hear Handel has teamed up with Hinge and Bracket? They’ve formed The Doors
I went to the icecream shop and said ‘I want to buy an icecream’ He said ‘Hundreds and thousands?’ I said ‘We’ll start with the one’
When I left home, my mum said ‘Don’t forget to write’ I thought ‘That’s unlikely; it’s a basic skill, isn’t it?’
Velcro… what a ripoff
So I met a gangster who pulls up the back of people’s pants. It was Weggie Kray
I went to the record shop and I said ‘What have you got by The Doors?’ He said ‘A bucket of sand and a fire blanket!’
What do you call a lady with big teeth who sleeps in the afternoon? Siesta Rantzen
I have spent the afternoon re-arranging the furniture in Dracula’s house… I was doing a bit of Fang-Shui
When it comes to cosmetic surgery, a lot of people turn their noses up
Exit signs; they’re on the way out aren’t they?
This bloke said ‘I’m going to chop off the bottom of your trouser leg and put it in a library’ I thought ‘That’s a turn-up for the books’
So I went to the dentist. He said ‘Say Aaah.’ I said ‘Why?’ He said ‘My dog’s died’

Short jokes One Liners SMS Funny Jokes In Hindi In English Message In Urdu 2013 In Tamil Hindi Latest For Adults in Telugu In Hindi 140 Words Images

Short jokes One Liners SMS Funny Jokes In Hindi In English Message In Urdu 2013 In Tamil Hindi Latest For Adults in Telugu In Hindi 140 Words Images


Short jokes One Liners SMS Funny Jokes In Hindi In English Message In Urdu 2013 In Tamil Hindi Latest For Adults in Telugu In Hindi 140 Words Images

Short jokes One Liners SMS Funny Jokes In Hindi In English Message In Urdu 2013 In Tamil Hindi Latest For Adults in Telugu In Hindi 140 Words Images

Short jokes One Liners SMS Funny Jokes In Hindi In English Message In Urdu 2013 In Tamil Hindi Latest For Adults in Telugu In Hindi 140 Words Images

Short jokes One Liners SMS Funny Jokes In Hindi In English Message In Urdu 2013 In Tamil Hindi Latest For Adults in Telugu In Hindi 140 Words Images

Short jokes One Liners SMS Funny Jokes In Hindi In English Message In Urdu 2013 In Tamil Hindi Latest For Adults in Telugu In Hindi 140 Words Images

Short jokes One Liners SMS Funny Jokes In Hindi In English Message In Urdu 2013 In Tamil Hindi Latest For Adults in Telugu In Hindi 140 Words Images

Short jokes One Liners SMS Funny Jokes In Hindi In English Message In Urdu 2013 In Tamil Hindi Latest For Adults in Telugu In Hindi 140 Words Images

Short jokes One Liners SMS Funny Jokes In Hindi In English Message In Urdu 2013 In Tamil Hindi Latest For Adults in Telugu In Hindi 140 Words Images

Short jokes One Liners SMS Funny Jokes In Hindi In English Message In Urdu 2013 In Tamil Hindi Latest For Adults in Telugu In Hindi 140 Words Images

Short jokes One Liners SMS Funny Jokes In Hindi In English Message In Urdu 2013 In Tamil Hindi Latest For Adults in Telugu In Hindi 140 Words Images

Short jokes One Liners SMS Funny Jokes In Hindi In English Message In Urdu 2013 In Tamil Hindi Latest For Adults in Telugu In Hindi 140 Words Images

Short jokes One Liners SMS Funny Jokes In Hindi In English Message In Urdu 2013 In Tamil Hindi Latest For Adults in Telugu In Hindi 140 Words Images

Short jokes One Liners SMS Funny Jokes In Hindi In English Message In Urdu 2013 In Tamil Hindi Latest For Adults in Telugu In Hindi 140 Words Images

Short jokes One Liners SMS Funny Jokes In Hindi In English Message In Urdu 2013 In Tamil Hindi Latest For Adults in Telugu In Hindi 140 Words Images

Short jokes One Liners SMS Funny Jokes In Hindi In English Message In Urdu 2013 In Tamil Hindi Latest For Adults in Telugu In Hindi 140 Words Images

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