SMS Funny Jokes in Hindi In English Message In Urdu 2013 in Tamil Hindi Latest For Adults in Telugu : Short Jokes Clean SMS Funny Jokes In Hindi In English Message In Urdu 2013 In Tamil Hindi Latest For Adults in Telugu In Hindi 140 Words Images

Short Jokes Clean Biography

Source:- Google.com.pk
Some people are like a Slinky ...
Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile
when you shove them down the stairs.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday,
lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

All of us could take a lesson from the weather.
It pays no attention to criticism.

Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200.00
and a substantial tax cut saves you $30.00?

We know exactly where one cow with Mad-cow-disease is located amongst millions of cows, but we haven't got a clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of Immigration?

A woman called the poison control center, upset because her little daughter had eaten some ants.

The person at poison control assured her that ants were not dangerous and that her little girl would be fine.

The mother was relieved, then (fortunately) mentioned that she had given her daughter some ant poison to kill the ants.

She was told to get to the emergency room as quickly as possible.

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast?

Why does grass grow where you do not want it and not grow where you do?

Why do we say we slept like a baby when they wake up every two hours?

Why do we pay to get to the top of tall buildings, then pay to use binoculars to look at things on the ground?

A professional juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police.

"What are you doing with these matches and lighter fluid in your car?" asks the police officer.

"I'm a juggler and I juggle flaming torches in my act."

"Oh yeah? Let's see you do it," says the officer.

So the juggler gets out and starts juggling the blazing torches masterfully. A couple driving by slows down to watch.

"Wow," says the driver to his wife. "I'm glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're giving now!"

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

I intend to live forever - so far, so good.

A woman worries about the future -- until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future -- until he gets a wife.

A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

Every morning is the dawn of a new error.

Sea captains don't like crew cuts.

A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.

A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.

Reading while sunbathing makes you well, red.

A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

On the first day of training for parachute jumping, a blonde listened intently to the instructor. He told them to start preparing for landing when they are at 300 feet.

The blonde asked, "How am I supposed to know when I'm at 300 feet?"

"That's a good question. When you get to 300 feet, you can recognize the faces of people on the ground."

After pondering his answer, she asked...

"What happens if there's no one there I know?"

Susie's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months. Things looked grim, but she was by his bedside every single day.

One day as he slipped back into consciousness, he motioned for her to come close to him. She pulled the chair close to the bed and leaned her ear close to be able to hear him.

"You know" he whispered, his eyes filling with tears, "you have been with me through all the bad times. When I got fired, you stuck right beside me. When my business went under, there you were. When we lost the house, you were there. When I got shot, you stuck with me. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. "And you know what?"

"What, dear?" she asked gently, smiling to herself.

"I think you're bad luck."

A driver was speeding and was unknowingly caught in a speed trap that measured his speed with radar and photographed his car.

In the mail, he later received a ticket for $100, along with a photograph of his car. He sent the ticket back with a photograph of a $100 bill.

He then received a letter from the police department with a photograph of handcuffs.

He paid the ticket.

WISE SAYINGS
On the other hand, you have different fingers.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.

Why do psychics have to ask you your name?

What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Young Johnny moved to the country and bought a horse from a farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the horse the next day. The next day the farmer drove up and said,

'Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the horse died.'

Johnny replied, 'Well, then, just give me my money back.'

The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I went and spent it already.'

Johnny said, 'Ok, then, just bring me the dead horse.'

The farmer asked, 'What ya gonna do with him?

Johnny said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.'

The farmer said, 'You can't raffle off a dead horse!'

Johnny said, 'Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.'

A month later, the farmer met up with Johnny and asked, 'What happened with that dead horse?'

Johnny said, 'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $898.00.'

The farmer said, 'Didn't anyone complain?'

Johnny said, 'Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.'

(John grew up and now works for the government.)